I’m just waking up on sunday morning and I throw on the news. NBC has found this family of butter trolls and given them a nutritionist and a physical trainer man. It’s three months later and they show the before picture of dad. He was 303 pounds, 6’3. Three months and he’s lost 28 pounds. He looks essentially the same. Maybe his big toe is smaller. Same fat face, same man tits, same jiggly neck.

This little stick of a human interest anchorwoman, so chirpy you can practically see the coke eating her nasal passages away, she asks him what the reaction from family and friends has been. He looks exactly the same.

“Oh, they are all saying ‘Wow!'”

I bet they really did say wow to convince him he’s doing well.